


Whenever I Want You, All I Have to do is Dream

by DraconisFelicis (Ravenhoot)



Series: Musings of the Santos Brothers [4]
Category: Caraval Series - Stephanie Garber
Genre: Could Be Canon, Deleted Scenes, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 08:35:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20132509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenhoot/pseuds/DraconisFelicis
Summary: Legend is his own worst enemy. Takes place during one of his and Tella's shared dreams inFinale.





	Whenever I Want You, All I Have to do is Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This scene was inspired from a deleted scene that Stephanie Garber so kindly included in the Fairyloot edition of _Finale._ As always, any direct quotes are for continuity purposes only and are the intellectual material of Stephanie Garber. I don't own rights to any characters, quotes, or settings from the _Caraval_ series. Any use of them is for personal enjoyment only and not for financial gain.

* * *

By the fourth dream, he could tell that she’d noticed his distance from her. The first three nights, she seemed to expect him to eventually reach for her, but tonight, she simply gave a soft sigh as he lazily crossed his ankle over his knee as he sat on a stone bench across from her in the palace courtyard. 

Julian had told him two days prior that Tella and her sister had moved out of the palace and rented a modest apartment closer to the docks. Legend hadn’t wanted Tella to leave the palace - he’d hoped he’d be able to mend what had happened between them the night Caraval ended, but her leaving the palace practically eliminated any chance of speaking to her outside of her dreams. 

“Don’t you-”

“Stop!” Tella demanded. “Don’t ask me that yet. You just got here.”

Legend arched an eyebrow but remained silent. 

“You always disappear after you ask me about the prize from winning Caraval and I tell you no,” Tella offered. 

Legend knew she was clever, but he hadn’t bet on her being this perceptive. It was only the fourth night since he’d left her on the Temple of the Stars’ steps and yet she’d realized that her rejection was enough to end their shared dreams. 

Though, he would bet she didn’t realize that’s what was happening, especially since she didn’t even know what his proposed prize would be. But despite her not knowing what the reward was, he still took it as a personal rejection every time she said no. So much that he momentarily lost the ability to maintain the illusion, which would expel him from her dreams. Knowing this, he wasn’t about to ask her mere moments after arriving. 

“Actually, I wasn’t going to mention that… until later, at least,” Legend said, trying his hardest to sound indifferent while willing his illusion to continue. Just the subject of winning Caraval made him think of the night he left her completely helpless and hating himself for it. 

The edges of the garden seemed to blur out of focus, which did not escape Tella’s notice. She glanced sharply at the stone walls as they shimmered briefly. When she glanced back at him, her eyes were full of concern. 

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Legend practically barked as the edges of the dream solidified. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just…” Tella trailed off as she pointed to the garden walls. She shook her head slightly as if realizing that even if something was amiss, he wouldn’t acknowledge or talk about it. “So what were you about to say then?”

“I was going to say, don’t you want to go somewhere other than this garden?” Legend asked, his voice low and deep. “I can create any place in this world or the next. The palace gardens are so unexciting.”

“But you’re the one who picks the setting,” Tella objected. 

She had a point. What she didn't know was that tonight, he'd been so eager to see her that he'd created the first thing he thought of - which was the very courtyard that sat beneath his bedroom window.

“Well, tonight I want to know where _ you _want to go,” Legend countered. 

Tella considered for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip as she thought about his request. Legend swallowed thickly, though not from nerves. It had been centuries since he’d been nervous around a girl. His discomfort was of his own making. He longed to be the one to nibble softly on her lip as he held her tightly against him and wrapped his firm arms around her waist. He wanted to tangle his fingers in her honey-blonde curls and lose himself in her eyes. 

But he could do none of those things. He’d done all of that with her before and each time he met her lips with his or felt the tingle of electricity when his hand brushed her bare back he felt himself becoming mortal. The night at the fountain and the night she'd won Caraval had been the closest he'd come to being mortal and it had terrified him both times. It was why, on both occasions, he'd left her alone. 

By telling himself over and over that he didn’t love her, he’d come to believe the lie and as a result, his magic had strengthened. But any time he wavered, as he had moments ago when he’d thought of her rejecting the Caraval prize, his magic plummeted. The only way he’d managed to believe the lie he perpetuated to himself was to keep his physical distance from her. If he couldn’t touch her, he hoped he would eventually forget what it felt like to have her in his arms. 

He noticed that Tella was watching him as he watched her and abruptly averted his gaze. 

“Tonight,” Tella began, “I want to go somewhere magical.”

Legend smirked. Magical, he could do. “Care to be more specific?”

“I want to go on the carousel,” she replied. 

“What carousel?” To his knowledge, Valenda didn’t have a magical carousel. 

“The one on your island,” Tella replied, a wistfully romantic look about her delicate face. 

The corners of Legend’s mouth turned up, not quite a smile, but close. 

The garden dissolved into starlight, replaced by the carousel that was covered in roses. Tella sat atop a horse that was covered in blue feathers, a stark contrast to the red roses that surrounded her. 

Legend resisted the urge to reach out and rest his hand on the small of her back. Instead, he chose a bench seat across from the row of horses, far enough away that he wouldn’t be tempted to brush the strand of wild curls away from her eyes. 

It was torturous to be so near to her and not touch her. He was beginning to forget the sweet taste of her kiss and how it could be both relaxing and electrifying to run his fingers through her hair. It infuriated him that, every night so far, she’d said no to receiving the prize for winning Caraval. Didn’t she understand that all she had to do was say yes? Then he could close the distance between them and envelop his arms around her and never let her go. But until she said yes, he couldn’t dare remind himself of how good it felt to kiss her.

“No,” she said, as if she knew he’d been thinking the same question that he asked her every night. 

“I haven’t even asked a question,” Legend replied, chuckling softly. 

“Well, whatever you’re going to ask, the answer is still no.” 

She knew him too well, a fact that made Legend scowl. No one knew him… not really, except for maybe Julian. No one really knew what made Legend tick, which was how he preferred it. The more people that knew his secrets, the more people that could be hurt by them. Being an immortal was definitely a mixed bag - he could live forever but at the cost of having no real connections. Anyone who got close to him just ended up hurt. He honestly couldn’t blame Julian for wanting to leave Caraval. He would never admit it, but Legend was grateful to Tella for writing to him and asking for his help. That Caraval was going to be Julian’s last and without his brother, Legend honestly didn’t want to keep playing. 

Not that he would ever admit that to anyone, especially Julian. He couldn’t love his brother but he could still miss him, and he would have if Julian had quit Caraval. 

No... letting anyone know him was dangerous. Tella shouldn’t be able to push his buttons like this. It meant he’d let her too far in already. 

“Maybe it wasn’t a yes or no question,” he replied. He manipulated the illusion to make the carousel spin, slowly at first, but gradually picking up speed. Tella gripped the handrail of her winged horse a little tighter to avoid slipping off. 

“Having a tough time?” Legend asked her with a wicked grin. 

“I already told you no.”

Oh, she was clever. She knew if she’d said _yes_ in reply to that question, Legend would have argued she was answering yes to _the _question. She knew him far too well. 

Legend wanted to ask her why she didn’t want her winnings but knew better than to ask. So instead, he tried to find the answer to another question that had plagued him since he’d entered her dream that night, all while making the carousel spin faster and faster. 

“Why did you move out of the palace?” His tone was simply curious as if he were asking about the weather, yet his eyes were pleading. He tried to conceal any hint of emotion, but he knew Tella had seen it. She was always so perceptive of his coal-black eyes and their flecks of gold. 

Instead of answering him, Tella countered with her own question. “Why did you leave me on the temple steps?”

Legend tensed. He hoped she hadn’t seen it. “You wouldn’t like my answer,” he told her. 

_ Except you would. It’s probably what you want to hear most from me yet they are words I dare never utter. I’m sorry, Tella. You deserve better but I’m selfish and greedy and I want you all for myself. _

That was what he should have said, but that led to a road he wasn’t willing to travel down. He kept his attention on the feathers flying off the carousel animals and swirling around her. 

“Well,” Tella said, more cheerfully than he would have expected, “that’s a shame because you’d have loved mine.”

Legend resisted the urge to look at her and instead, kept his attention on the swirling feathers as if he was bored. He _ did _ want to know why she’d moved out of the palace. Though he couldn’t admit it to her, he’d been hurt when she and Scarlett had abruptly vacated their suites in the palace in favor of a dumpy apartment near the wharfs. The day after she’d moved out, he’d sent Jovan to pop in for a “friendly” visit but it seemed Tella had seen right through it. He’d hoped Jovan could unearth Tella’s reasons for leaving the palace, but Jovan returned with disappointing results - Tella had been friendly, but aloof and distant. 

He supposed he should have been happy she’d left the palace. Having her just down the hall would have made it that much more difficult to resist and deny the things he’d felt the night the Fates had been freed. By creating physical distance and almost ensuring they never accidentally bumped into one another (unless Legend dressed as a commoner instead of the heir to the empire and went down to that part of the city), it had been easier to make himself forget what it felt like to have her in his arms. 

But then every single night, he couldn’t resist the temptation to steal into her dreams. He didn’t even know what it was about her. He’d had his trysts with plenty of other women but none of them had made an impact as Tella had. In the past, he'd had his fun with them and then forgotten their names. It wasn't something he boasted about, but when one lived as long as he had, no one stood out anymore.

Except Tella. All the things he’d told her the night of the Fated Ball were true - she was clever and funny and beautiful and he loved being the reason for her laughter. He didn’t even care if it was at his own expense. One thing about Tella was that she wasn’t afraid to engage in his playful banter. He would tease her and she would tease him right back. He chuckled as he remembered her suggesting that he dress up as a unicorn so that all the girls could pet him. She wasn’t like any other girl he’d ever met. 

“What is so funny?” Tella asked, her upper lip curled slightly as if she knew he was laughing because of her. 

The carousel had slowed to a stop. Legend had been so preoccupied that he’d lost focus on the illusion. He surveyed the winged horse she sat atop. With a simple illusion, he made it grow a unicorn horn, though he doubted she’d remember the throwaway comment she’d made at the ball. 

Tella glanced at the horn. “You said not even Legend could make you dress like a unicorn.”

The corner of Legend’s mouth turned up against his will and his eyes danced with molten gold. Of course, she remembered. 

“And so I couldn’t,” he said quietly. 

Instinctively, he lifted his arm to reach for her, to stroke his knuckles against her arm. At the last minute, he remembered that so far in their shared dreams, they hadn’t touched one another. It seemed for the best - the more distance he kept from her, the more he was able to resist going straight to her apartment when he woke and confessing everything to her, shattering the fragile lie he'd built and was trying so hard to make himself believe. 

He waved his hand across the horse's head, making the horn disappear, hoping she wouldn’t notice the weak excuse for not touching her. At times, he wished he had never met her. He remembered something Aiko had once said about better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Legend couldn’t understand that, because if this was even a fraction of what it felt like to have loved and lost, he never wanted that feeling. He’d rather have never known her and gone on with his miserable, endless existence than to have seen what life could be like with her and know it was eternally outside his grasp. 

Finally, he asked the question that he asked every night. “Have you changed your mind yet? Do you want your prize for winning Caraval?” 

He forced himself to look indifferent while inside, he silently begged her to please, just say yes. 

For a moment, she looked curious, like she wanted to say yes but knew she shouldn’t. The curiosity faded into mournful sadness as she cast her eyes to the ground and whispered, “I already told you no.”

Like the previous nights, Legend felt like a horse had kicked him in the stomach. He abruptly ended the dream and woke with a tightness in his chest. He threw off his black silk sheets and went to the window. From his room, he could see most of the southern portion of the city, leading all the way down to the warfs. He eyed the building that contained Tella’s apartment and could almost picture her lying on her lumpy mattress, eyes open, staring into the darkness after he’d ended their dream. Legend pulled at the back of his neck and breathed deeply, filling his lungs with salty pre-dawn air. 

Not for the first time, he missed his own island. It was true, he had houses everywhere, but nowhere felt like home except Isla de Los Sueños. He missed the simplicity of it. He asked himself what he was even doing, posing as the heir to the empire. In truth, he really didn’t want to rule a kingdom; he’d mostly just wanted to see if he could pull it off. Now that he had, he hadn’t put a lot of thought into what he wanted to do next. What he did know, however, was that he wanted Tella by his side for all of it. He had to find a way to get her to say yes, for if he was to be an endless king, he wanted to do so with an infinite queen by his side.


End file.
